Talking with family
How to start the conversation.
The people closest to you are the ones who’ll need to know your wishes. Here are some ways to start.
Ways to start the conversation
- “I’ve been thinking about what I’d want if I got very ill. Can I tell you?”
- “Did you see that programme about end of life care? What did you think?”
- “I’ve filled in a planning guide. Will you look at it with me?”
- “If I couldn’t speak for myself, I’d want you to know…”
Keep it going
Come back to it, write things down as you go, and share your plans with your GP too.
What to talk about
Tick them off as you cover them.
You might be thinking…
“They’ll get upset”
Talking now means they won’t have to guess what you want later.
“There’s plenty of time”
It is easier to talk while you are well, and you can change your mind later.
“I don’t know how to start”
Try a small step. A programme, a news story or a family event can open the door.
Questions people ask
- What if they don’t want to talk about it?
Let them know it matters to you, and come back to it another time. You can still write your wishes down, and tell them where to find them.
- Should we include children?
It depends on their age. Keep your answers honest and simple. Let them ask questions, and answer what they ask.
- What if we don’t agree?
You don’t have to. What matters is that they know what you want. Writing it down, and choosing someone to speak for you, means your wishes guide decisions.
- Should I tell my GP?
Yes. Your GP can add your wishes to your Key Information Summary, which out-of-hours, ambulance and hospital teams can see, so the people treating you know what you’d want.
Our planning guide
The guide is online and takes you through each step. It is free to anyone in Scotland.
- Emailinfo@fate.scot
- Office0131 271 5971Our office line, not a helpline.
- PostFriends at the End, 42 Charlotte Square, Edinburgh EH2 4HQ